I'm cutting back on eating meat. Some of you remember when I cut it out nearly completely a while back. I fell off that tofuwagon when we went to Thailand. That is not a country to visit with dietary restrictions.
But moderation for Katy is back in.
Or I thought.
About four weeks ago, Andrew came up to visit. He likes the spicy chicken we got from a local butcher. He makes a spicy crust that puts hair on your chest and a burn in your botty bot. I put away my no-meat unless unavoidable plan for the length of his stay. I called the butcher:
Butch Cassidy: Hello. Do you have any spicy chicken?
Butcher: No. That's really a winter thing.
(unappreciated playwright's note: Many Australians see spicy foods as a winter meal. Many, not all.)
Butch Cassidy: Can you make me some?
Butcher: Sure. (Unsaid but understood: I am a business man, toots. You give me cash; I give you chook.) How much do you want?
Butch Cassidy: A whole chicken, like you usually do.
(unappreciated playwright's note: Last time we had to special order, he said I had to get a whole chicken. Fine.)
Butcher: Okay. It'll be ready tomorrow.
The next day I got a call from the Lervemunkee at the butcher's.
Lervemunkee: My little rose petal of dewey loveliness?
LRPoDL: Yes?
Lervemunkee: How much spicy chicken did you order?
LRPoDL: A whole chicken.
Lervemunkee: There's a lot of chicken here.
LRPoDL: Well, there'd be two legs, two thighs, two breasts, and two wings. There are three of us and some of those pieces will be small. It's enough for two nights.
Lervemunkee: Are you sure that's all you ordered?
LRPoDL: Yes! Gah.
The Lervemunkee comes home and goes on and on about how much chicken there is. I'm thinking that I married the wussiest Australian marathoner. He can run 42 km, but eight pieces of chicken divided among three people over two nights kills him?
I go into the kitchen to explain why he needs to grow a set.
In his hands is a tray of meat. It might even be a small country. "What is that?" I ask. "Is that the chicken?" It was. Somehow my "whole chicken" turned out to be more than 16 breast fillets.
I have no idea what he heard. This last Tuesday was the end of the spicy chicken. The Lervemunkee and I had our colonoscopies two years ago, and all was fine. Even if there had been the smallest polyp that escaped detection, I know that we are in the clear after all that chili. We have been internally cauterised.
Nuh-night, Puss Puss.
Reading a blog is great, but sometimes the message is not fully appreciated. Would you please provide an audio alternative to supplement the written word? Only then will the full effect of what you say be realised, and you will have us real original aussies in stitches, intentionally or not. We would know, as an example, if you actually said "spacey chicken." Not that I knew what a spacey chicken was, but this knowledge might come in useful in future. Thank you.
Posted by: speedygeoff | January 30, 2009 at 10:58 AM
Why can't you celebrate birthday? Who's hurting you?
I'm not good with spicy. Maybe if I only ate spicy stuff I'd lose weight. But I really don't want a butt colonization thing. Really.
Posted by: Joy | January 30, 2009 at 11:19 AM
I like the audio idea. It would be good to hear your voice while reading, or listening, I guess. Me like spicy chicken!
Posted by: Rob | January 30, 2009 at 11:57 AM
Are you sure you didn't say "I want breasts"? "A whole lot of breasts"? Even Amy Walker would understand that.
Posted by: Quentewen Tewentino | January 30, 2009 at 09:39 PM
He's your Lurve Monkey but girl your his Dixie Chic. You crack me up.
Cat Sue
Posted by: Cat Su | January 31, 2009 at 01:29 PM
Oh no!
Posted by: LBTEPA | January 31, 2009 at 05:00 PM
imagine if you had order lamb....
Posted by: I sing to greyhounds | February 02, 2009 at 10:26 PM
Sounds like 'whole chicken' got turned into 'whole lotta chicken'
You can ignore your blog without shutting it down. You never know when you might have something to say to the world. Really!
Posted by: 21stCenturyMom | February 04, 2009 at 03:03 PM
Though I will miss Katy-humor, I'm excited for you that you are quitting; quitting running, quitting blogging... In my experience quitting has always lead to something better, if not always different.
And...as you were reminded above, you can quit blogging without shutting it down.
Posted by: twopinkfeet | February 05, 2009 at 01:35 AM
What? You've done a Joan? http://www.runningland.com/
Do you realise your millions of readers are now in a quandry?
Hope you're not quittin' cheerin'.
Posted by: Quentewen Tewentino | February 05, 2009 at 03:26 PM
There's a hint of Summer time blues Dixie Chic. No quitting, just paws awhile. Declutter and let the yoga stretch your thinking too. Breath, swim and learn to stand up straight, but don't quit you have more to learn and share. Cheers big ears.
Posted by: Cat Su | February 06, 2009 at 09:58 PM
oh i'm reading "dip" by seth godin and he's all over this "quitting" thing.
i don't really understand what he's talking about, but the book is really tiny and cute.
you'd better be findable, damn you and your spazy chicken!
Posted by: jeanne | February 13, 2009 at 10:22 AM
great story!
Posted by: Marcus | March 03, 2009 at 08:31 PM
Please come back!!!!! Don't leave the blogsfere, the Black Knight Army needs you.
Posted by: Black Knight | March 09, 2009 at 10:13 PM
Blogs are good for every one where we get lots of information for any topics nice job keep it up !!!
Posted by: dissertation help | March 26, 2009 at 04:12 PM
Katy matey,
we miss needlenoses and lurve you to tenderloins for this awesome blog-athon. Miss Smoothie Blue & Jack-e-Modo alias slippery black assassins (destroyers of frugal living and protestant work ethic) being brissie grey-babies send prostrate salutations & tail lashings to Om-Odo, Tam-Elle-babe, Peppa & puss puss Zuni.
It's been a fab ride, ta muchly Fannegio & J & S xxx
Posted by: fannegio | May 26, 2009 at 05:03 PM